By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. -Proverbs 24:3-4
It's been a crazy couple of months, and we're so honored to have had you part of them! We wanted to take the time to thank everyone who's played a part in getting us as far as we've gotten, through your support (financial, emotional, spiritual, EVERY WAY!)
As a SAHM, I'm in my head most of the day. And I'm sure just like the majority of stay-at-home-moms, you've meticulously calculated how to divide your time between things that need to get done and the child(ren) you need to care for. And then once you've found a good process, you're out of time to do those things, the house has all but exploded in your face, you haven't eaten, and it's time to feed the little mouths. By tomorrow, your brilliant plan of organization is long gone...lost in the clutter of your mind. That's the story of my life, anyway, lol.
So with that little glimpse into my brain, I felt it necessary to let you in on how we're doing our part on this crazy, but God-appointed, journey of adoption. I'm going to start off by saying we budget. And it stinks. And it's time-consuming. And it's stressful. Buuuut, that's what we're doing. Daddy works hard to bring home the bacon, Mommy divvies that bacon up to make sure bills get paid, and the rest gets added to the adoption savings. Budget cutting is no fun. Especially when you like Chick-fil-a and Starbucks, I'm just gonna put that out there. However, seeing the savings at the end of each month that get sent to our adoption account is well worth dying to my eat-out/take-out/fast-food/expensive-latte/amazon-window-shopping cravings. #FirstWorldProblems, anyone? Seriously.
We're also planning on ridding our home of unnecessary clutter. Which means...garage sale soon! Yay! (Said no one who ever put one on.) But still, our contribution is only small potatoes compared to the total cost of adoption while we also continue to handle paying off the miscarriage and ensuing medical bills because our insurance company sucks at insurance-ing. (Yes, this run-on sentence was necessary.) It's all absurd, but that's life, I guess...or the expense of it, rather.
When we decided to pursue adoption, we decided to do this without going into debt. Because debt sucks. Debt on top of debt sucks even more. So we're very determined in our efforts. However long it takes to raise/save up the money, is how long it will take to begin and then continue the adoption process. I won't lie, it's hard for me. I mean, who doesn't want to begin something as soon as they resolve to do it? No one says, "I know it's going to take years to lose 100 lbs, but I'm so determined to do it, I'm gonna save up my money for a year first before I actually buy healthier food and exercise the way I need to. You know, just to make sure I've got the money to pay for my new organic, gluten-free, non-homogenized, raw, paleo diet." No one.
It's an unconventional approach, I suppose. Thousands of families are fortunate enough to either have the money (or the means by which to get it), or unfortunately go into debt to adopt. Typically, those who don't have the means, can apply for adoption grants way down the road into the adoption process to help pay off those debts. And that's the sticker for us...we don't get that option if we jump into this with both feet and blind-folded.
While the majority of prospective international adoptive families wait months--even years--to be matched with a child, those of us planning to adopt from South Korea now have the (albeit, bittersweet) opposite problem.
"HOW IN THE WORLD IS THAT A PROBLEM?!?!?!"
I'll tell you... It's actually a 4-fold issue.
1. Quick referrals can be a sign of more streamlined international processes. However, that is not the case with South Korea. New laws have restricted the number of international adoptions per year as well as narrowed the eligibility of some children. As overseas adoptions dwindle by DRAMATIC numbers, and domestic adoption numbers remain stagnant and not very promising, a "backup" of orphans is happening. More orphans in wait for a family and regulated adoptions numbers per year, create a waiting list of sorts for parents who anxiously anticipate the call for their family court date (years later) to pick up the child they were so quickly matched with.
2. I recently spoke with the program director for our agency and she confirmed what I'd been hearing and reading for a few weeks: After finishing completing the home study (which takes a few weeks to a few months), families are being matched with children immediately. It sounds phenomenal. But that means just weeks after you've paid a large lump of money for a home study and other fees, you now have another, MUCH LARGER, lump sum to pay. You see, when prospective parents approve a match, they must pay both the agency's fee and South Korea's agency fee, due immediately. Which leads me to my next point:
3. Most families, although they have a difficult and long wait to be matched with a child, will find that they have plenty of time to raise or save up the money and/or apply for grants.We don't have that luxury, as most grants require approved home studies and take weeks to accept a family as a grant recipient.
4. And lastly, this reason is more personal, than general: It just delays our timeline for adopting. Granted the time frame we have for a South Korean adoption is anywhere between... if ever SK closes its doors to international adoption, and when we turn 40; whichever comes first. But there is a lot to be saved up before we can move forward. And the adoption process, once it's finally started, will take a few years on top of that before it's over. I'd prefer to still have the energy for a toddler, lol.
However long it takes, we will wait on the Lord because we know He's in control of it all. But it is still difficult news for us. We want to be in line with what we believe the Lord is telling us. And for us, it's to wait, save/raise more funds, work hard at it, be creative, don't be pests begging for money, and hold on while we climb uphill. More like, upmountain. Of course this means our initial target has now been made quite a bit higher; from 10% to about 25% of our total adoption goal, as our Fund o' Meter and our fundraising page now accurately show. It takes the wind out of our sails a bit. It's gonna take more time. But perhaps God's got some maturing, molding and sculpting for us to do while we wait on Him. We know He's got this.
Thanks for reading my vent. Money-talk is never easy, but when others are a part of contributing, they have a right to know.
If you're interested in a very rough break down of this entire process' costs, see below.
Love and Blessings,
-Melinda
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= What currently raised funds have covered.
Application costs: $350 COVERED
Home Study and Travel for HS: $2,000 OVER HALF COVERED
Training: $100-200
US Agency: $11,500
Korean Agency: $20,000
Gov't Paperwork: $1,000
Overseas Travel: $6,000-8,000
Post Placement Studies: $2,500
Outdated Updates (if things take too long and paperwork expires): $1,000+
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Total: > $45,000
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