FAQITMOTWWA About My Experience (You read that right.)

Yes, that title is correct.

Below is a list of FAQITMOTWWA, or more commonly known as:

Frequently Asked Questions In The Minds Of Those Who Won't Ask

(And My Honest Answers)

1. You seem to be displaying signs of living in denial after such a traumatic event occurring to you; are you SURE you don't need counseling or something?

I'm sure. My life does not revolve around this loss and I don't live in fear of my future because of it. I'm still wonderfully blessed with an intelligent and beautiful daughter.

2. Why are you taking this so easily?

It's not easy. We have our moments where we just burst into tears when we think about all we've been through and what we won't get to experience because of the miscarriage. However, I'm probably taking this easi-ER than a lot of women because I already have a child. I'm sure had I been childless or had planned this pregnancy, the loss of my baby may have been a bigger blow to my fragile heart. But knowing I CAN have children and having one already seems to have softened that blow. I also have a crazy amazing husband. We have a close-knit family who is there for us, and incredible friends and church-family who prayed for us. Prayers covered us in the Lord's peace. In January, my husband sent me a link to a post written by Voddie Baucham's daughter who recently suffered a miscarriage. In February, I really read it. It was powerfully written and summarizes my exact thoughts on handling miscarriage.

3. What was the most (physically) painful part of your miscarriage experience?

Recovering from the tracheal intubation. Seriously. I STILL have a lingering cough from it. From the moment I woke up from the anesthesia, my throat felt like sand paper and I couldn't breath in deeply. The scratchiness went away after 5 days. Breathing in deeply was difficult and would result in involuntary coughing when tried. That lasted 2-3 weeks. And I still get that tickle at the very entrance to my lungs every once in a while now.

4. What was the most (emotionally) painful part of your miscarriage experience?

When we learned I was pregnant in December, Jared began a nightly routine with Eden.

-Give Mommy a beso good night. (I'd get a kiss on my cheek)

-Give the baby a beso good night. (She would kiss my belly.)

-Give Dada a beso good night. (She would give Jare a kiss on his cheek.)

She'd gotten so used to that for two months, that she was initiating leaning in for the kiss when Jared would say, "It's time to go night-night." Not doing the kiss on my belly the night we found out we lost the baby was one of the saddest moments of my life. That routine was all she had of her sibling and we were taking it away from her before she could understand why. That tore my heart up.

5. How does it feel to have pregnant women around you?

Like being part of an exclusive women's club one second, and being ripped out of it unfairly the next.

6. Are you jealous of the pregnant women around you?

Yes. I'm also very happy and excited for them. I can be all of those things. I am, after all, a human being.

7. Why did you tell your miscarriage story, aren't these things usually kept private?

I admit, I'm a rare breed of shameless. I can struggle to find the right things to say a lot of the time because they can range from being ironically true to sorely inappropriate depending on the audience and how they take it. But I also firmly believe in passing on important information. What better way to do that than through unfiltered first-hand experience? My experience may be different from yours, but it doesn't invalidate it. If yours was different, then at the very least, now I've opened the door and given you the opportunity to tell your experience yourself (on your own blog post, thanks).

8. What good could possibly come from this experience?

Silver lining--I got the home birth I wanted (there's one of those things that can be taken as a sick joke, but in essence is still very true). Then there's the opportunity for open discussion, learning how to let go and let God, having strengthened faith, a stronger walk with my Christ, a better understanding of God's heart for our pain, etc. The good is endless when God is involved.

9. You told people about your pregnancy almost immediately after you found out. Think you'll wait a few months next time before you let people know you're pregnant again?

If I got pregnant again, I would tell my friends, family, and my FB world immediately again, just as I did before. My baby was known and loved for all 12 weeks of their life by many, many people. I couldn't ask for a better way for life to be celebrated. Had we kept it to ourselves until Week 13 (as is common), we would've been alone in our initial celebrations, and alone in our grief. Not to mention the painful feeling of being asked when we're giving Eden a sibling and no one knowing we just lost that sibling. Instead we got to grieve along with others. That is the BEST kind of grief there is.

10. So what do you plan to do with your unexpected time and strength?

Put it to good use. See this and this and this and this.

BONUS QUESTION!:

11. Do you plan on having more kids?

Short answer, yes. Long answer,